Thursday, November 18, 2010

A little bit of this.. A little bit of that

First I would like to happily say that I am blogging from my new blogger app for android. Best thing ever! That way all of you can read my thoughts anywhere I go lol.. so anyways..

Today is day number four on Paxil. Not exactly what I expected. I am experiencing a number of undesirable side affects. For example.. dizziness, gag reflex, shaking/jerkiness, clenching my jaw, and tossing and turning at night. I called my doctor yesterday and she assured me that within the next week or so these symptoms should disapear.. I hope so!!

I have noticed that, even though I'm not sleeping well, that I have a lot more energy and my mood has slightly improved.. not sure if thats all in my head or not lol..

I am going to see a therapist on tuesday. I am anxious for this one.. but excited.

SO... what else has been going on in the Foster household besides me going crazy? (Lol) Well.. Kaelyn is showing signs of wanting to potty train (by this, I mean that every chance she gets, she is stripping her clothes and diaper and peeing everywhere..) When she takes her diaper off she willingly sits on her potty chair, but doesnt go. Hey I'm not complaining she is not even 2 yet. I did have to start puting a onesie on her to bring down the diaper bill.

Kohen is doing really well in kindergarten. We had parent/teacher meetings a couple weeks ago and he is mastering all of his letters, sounds, shapes and numbers. He tells me "mom, I told you I'm a genius" (lol too cute)

Josh has been gone for over 2 weeks doing Army training. I am so proud of this man.. he works so hard! He is currently an E4 working on becoming a SGT. I am just glad we are going to pick him up tomorrow.. put a fork in me, IM DONE lol.

Well thats about it. I'm super excited for the holidays. It entails my 2 favorite things.. family and food!!
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Monday, November 15, 2010

Overall Re-Vamp in Progress..

Okay.. so, if you read my last blog you have noticed that I redesigned my page. Well, if you, again, read my last blog.. that is not the only thing in my life that I am "re-vamping"

As kind of a continuation of my last blog.. I'd like to spill the beans a little further on my process of getting 'me' back.

Those of you who know me, or have been following my blog over the past few years.. know that it's been a rough couple years. Let me rephrase that.. it's been Hell. Well I've kind of been just along for the ride of ups and downs.. but have come to the conclusion that I don't want to be miserable inside my head anymore. I HAVE a choice to be happy.

Ever since my son passed away, I have been plagued with anxiety, paranoia and many other up and down feelings. (don't worry.. no drastic measure thoughts over here) and my friends and family have been constantly suggesting that I get some sort of "help". Well I always thought that I could fix it myself. Yeah. and 3 years later here I am still not "fixing" anything.

I FINALLY went to see my doctor.. I told her everything that has been going on. I am surprised I didn't end up leaving there in a straight jacket with a one way ticket to the mental hospital lol.

I am going to counseling. Yep. It's official.. I am going to go and talk to someone and get it all out.. and HOPEFULLY learn some coping skills with all the other BS that comes along in my life. I am actually kind of excited. ( I guess not really excited to revisit certain topics, but to be able to, not forget, but move on and remember the happy times)

She also put me on some paxil to help take the edge off. Which, I have a LOT of edge to take off.. haha.

So I am hoping that within the next year that I will be able to enjoy my life to the fullest without being afraid. I would like to thank EVERYONE for their support and encouragement. Maybe their IS light at the end of this long tunnel...??

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I'm back

Okay.. so I realized that I haven't posted a blog since Kaelyn turned a year old.. I guess life just got away with me.. litterally.. I have recently had an epiphany. I need ME back. Just the plain old fun loving, caring, friendly.. ME..
Somewhere along the journey of my husband going to bootcamp for 5 months, losing my son, having a baby and then having my husband deployed for a year... I lost myself. How does someone survive something like that? I don't know either.. lol.. But I did. Or should I say WE did.. I could have never made it without my husband, children, family, and a few close friends.
But anyways.. back to my first statement. I want ME back.. how did I turn into such a grouchy, non-social, anxiety filled person? I am wound so tight with stress... that sometimes I don't realize that life is passing me by.
So I have made a promise to myself. Kara, get out of your funk! Life happens.. to everyone.. and there's nothing that will take you back and change it. My only option is to put one foot in front of the other and move forward... but this time.. with a smile and open heart. I AM ME. and there's nothing wrong with that. <3

Friday, January 22, 2010

Kaelyn is a Year old!

So my baby girl is now one year old!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! I love her so much. she has been my saving grace through rough times. It's amazing to see her personality bloom brighter each day. Here's a look backwards on how time has flown..

I will cherish these precious moments forever.. from the first time I saw you.. to the second I see your smiling face every morning from now on! I love you baby girl! Happy First Birthday Kaelyn!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I love my soldier

Next time you see a man in uniform.. stop and say thank you..

Because He is someones dad, brother, son, or husband..

He makes the ultimate sacrifice... for not only his family.. but for you.

So next time you see a soldier.. don't just stare.. thank him for giving up years of his life.. and time away from his family.. so you can live free..

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

No "Bah-Humbug" this year!

From the beginning of Josh's deployment.. I had NOT been looking forward to any of the holidays.. sad yes.. but for a good reason. Nothing seems complete without your other half with you celebrating. and part of you feels guilty for even having a good time knowing they are stuck in a miserable situation with HoRrIbLe food (and yes I heard the gripes from their 'thanksgiving' feast made by the Indonesians.. not good!).

Josh was originally supposed to come home in january right in time for Kaelyn's first birthday (um mental note.. this year went FAST!) but luckily he is able to come home next week and be here for christmas. how VERY very exciting for our entire family. I heard the song "all I want for christmas is you" on the radio the other day and I teared up! lol. I am just so glad that he can spend christmas with his kids and see the joy on their faces when they open their presents on christmas morning.. because we all know, once he goes back to Iraq its going to be another LONG 7 months til he comes home again.

Which brings me to another subject.... my extreme shopping that has been undergoing for the last oh month! I thought I put all the bulk of the toys in layaway back in november.. but then I keep buying things along the way. and the 100 gift card I had for toys r us didn't help any! lol. I am so glad that this year I have the 2 things that I could ever ask for... 1-my husband home for christmas and 2-my kids getting spoiled with love and happiness (and excessive gifts lol.. not usually a priority but I like to make them happy)

Usually things are always tight and I end up waiting til 3 days before christmas to do all the shopping and it's a bunch of generic miscellaneous things just to make it look like they have a lot to open. I guess one thing good that came out of this whole deployment thing is that we are finally at a point that we are financially stable. (ummm not going to mention that josh doesn't have a job when he gets back... and uhh neither do I... trying to forget that for the moment.)

I know this post sounds like all that matters is the presents I buy for my kids. Not the point that I'm trying to make. It's this: I will do whatever it takes to bring a smile to my kids's faces. I love to see them happy and I would much rather spend the money on them (up to my last dime) than on myself. and they deserve it. Esp. Kohen. he's been through a lot in his short 5 years of life. I love my family and wouldn't trade it for the world! I'm a lucky woman. and don't expect any blogs after monday til the new year because I will be soking up EVERY minute with the love of my life while he is home. thanks everyone for being So SO so very supportive!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Happy Medium

Okay so I have to do some self criticism on this one..

I was talking with my wonderful husband the other day and he said the most true statement that I have ever heard about me.. and started a self analysis.

He said. "Kara you have two extremes.. one being that you want to please everyone and you are overly nice.. and the other is when you can't take it anymore and you explode like a bomb and say things you don't mean.. you need to find a happy medium."

God bless this man... I never looked at it like that before. I have a tendancy to let people walk all over me, use and abuse me, and take advantage of me everyway they can. I end up just holding it all inside.. then it all builds up and I explode and say hurtful things very defensively.. So yes, I need to find that happy medium.. I need to stick up for myself in the appropriate time but do it in a less defensive way. Say things that I don't agree with but, nicely.

I'd like to think that these past 6 months have taught me a lot about myself (as spending every day with screaming crazy children and lonely nights not knowing what to do with myself) I set a goal for myself the day Josh left. This time will be about me and the kids. So for the rest of the time that Josh is gone.. I hope he comes back to a sane.. better understanding wife! lol..